Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
