I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
