Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
