Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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