There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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