He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
