At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
