Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
wow bdsm is so cute
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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