I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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