Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
