This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
