peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
