grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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