Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
