its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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