Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
People in love make me want to vomit
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
