Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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