You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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