yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
