I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
