I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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