Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
