the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
