i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
