Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
