Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
