You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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