look no pants
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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