i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
