I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
