plz talk dirty to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
