Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
