So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
