I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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