you guys were way drunker than both of me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She bit a glass in half.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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