I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
where are my eyebrows?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
