so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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