she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She told me I should be a condom model.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
