ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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