I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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