You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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