hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
