I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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