That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
