I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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