The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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