My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
