so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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