My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
