some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The best revenge is premature balding
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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